Who is on first and where is Beatles Steak House?

BossDog

BossDog

KnifeDogs.com & USAknifemaker.com Owner
Staff member
Janik and I are going to the Travis Brush Ranch this weekend to help get blinds set up for the American Valor Hunt we had the raffle for last month. We really don’t have to do much. It’s more of an excuse to go somewhere for the weekend and poke around in the woods, drink beer and shoot guns.


The ranch is near the Wisconsin and Minnesota border near LaCrosse WI
This is how the meet up conversation went yesterday:


J: The ranch is by LaCrosse but it’s probably closer to Winona. Can you get to Winona?

T: Yes. I can get to both. OK so it’s by Winona

J: yeah, about 30 miles from there.
T: What time?
J: I am leaving at 5 so I’ll get there about 9.
T: You are leaving at 5?
J: Yeah, I can't sleep any longer than that. All the snoring keeps me awake.
T: Not yours.
J: Not mine.
T: OK. It’s 2.5 hours for me. I’ll leave at 8 and be there around 10:30

J: I might leave later.

T: What time?

J: Maybe 7. Let’s meet for lunch in Centerville.

T: Where is that?

J: By the ranch.

T: I thought Winona was by the ranch?

J: So is Centerville. It’s just down the road.

T: So meet in Centerville.

J: Yeah. We’ll have lunch at the Jailhouse Saloon.

T: So meet there for lunch?

J: Yeah. Around 11,11:30,noon, what ever.

T: so 11:30? I’ll drink beer till you get there.
J: I don’t give a s***. Drink whatever you want.

T: OK, I’ll leave a 9 and get there at 11:30.
J: Yeah. Go to Centerville. Do you know where that is?
T: Yeah, by the ranch.
J: Yeah

T: and the ranch is by Lacrosse but it’s closer to Winona so go there instead.

J: Yeah. Go to the middle of town. It’s not very big. Go to the 4 way flashing lights. In the Southeast corner of that intersection is a steak house called Beatles. You can’t miss it.

T: So middle of town, flashing lights, steak house, can’t miss it.

J: Yeah.

T: it’s called Beatles? Like the bug?

J: Yeah, Beatles. South east corner, you can’t miss it.
T: So meet there?

J: No, go a couple blocks north of there to the Jailhouse Saloon.
T: So don’t go to Beatles, go two blocks north of there.
J: Yeah. We’ll go to Beatles for supper but we aren’t going there for lunch. Across the street is another steak house but we aren’t going there either.

T: So you gave me directions to a place we aren’t going?

J: Yeah. They’re Wisconsin directions.

T: OK, that makes sense then. The ranch is by Lacrosse, don’t go there. Go to Winona instead. Meet in Centerville for lunch instead of the ranch. Go to Beatles but don’t go in cause we are going there for supper, not lunch. Go to Jailhouse Saloon two blocks north of there. I can drink beer until you get there.

J: Yeah. What’s so hard about that?

T: not a thing. I can drink beer till you get there.
 
That is the most lucid, concise, accurate rendition of directions I have ever heard.
Oh, by the way, you may want to buy a GPS if you're gonna hang with me.

See you tommorrow, don't be late. I'm bringing 5 pounds of .22 ammo to burn up.
 
Then I am bringing guns and lot's of them.

I will start loading Ruby up tonight..
 
My favorite type of directions are the kind that include this phrase over and over again:

"You'll be driving down this road for a while, until you pass a (insert an inconspicuous, all too common and hard to see landmark here). It's easy to miss though, so make sure you're paying attention!"

Why not give me something that's hard to miss? Isn't that the point of directions and "landmarks"?


I invariably end up in the middle of nowhere, trying to get a signal on my cellphone to call the person I'm trying to find:

"Just give me your address, I'll put it in my phone and be there in no time"
"You don't need an address... you can't miss it! Just follow my directions"
"Well, I was good until I turned left past the rusty wagon wheel and made a sharp right by the blue dog house, but I'm not seeing the gravel road to the left of the red mailbox"
"Wait a second! Does the red mailbox have a white flag or a black flag?"
"Um.... a white flag?"
"Oh, then you went too far. Turn around and drive until you see an old oak tree with lots of branches on it..... about 3 minutes later you'll see a red barn. Go 5 more blocks and hang a left."
"What's your street's name?"
"It's Mulberry Ave. But the sign blew off last year, so that won't help you."
"5 blocks past the red barn huh?"
"Well, 5 or 6."
 
Keep driving a long bit past the big rocks till you see a few white fences, then there is usually a old hound dog under one of the trees.

Turn in a couple drive ways past that!

Yep! Great directions!
 
Way Good.
Loved it!!!
Much better than turn right at the red ford pickup and go till you see a pasture on your right, .......
Dozier
 
...more directions by phone...

SJ: OK, you're lost... do you see that big rock that looks like a mushroom?

TM: No, but I see the one next to it.

SJ: Good, wait there, I'll send my cuzin.
 
Update:

there really is no centerville. There is a sign that says Centerville but it doesn't exist in any form other than a sign. There is a Gailesville where centerville is supposed to be.

The Jailhouse Saloon is not two blocks north, it is a quarter mile west.

There are no flashing lights. There is a turn signal and I suppose they flash when they change.
 
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